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How To NOT Become Bitter When THEY Move On

Portrait of a young beautiful black woman smiling, isolated on white backgroundWell, tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day and while I’m someone who absolutely LOVES all the corny, mushy, “lovey dovey” crap people do on that day, I do also know that Valentine’s Day can be a bit of a downer for many people. While it’s a day set aside to celebrate love, there are many people who, on this day feel anything but… This can be especially true for people who are newly single, those who have yet to find a new boo, those who have been single for quite some time. I do also know there are some people who just cringe at the idea of hearts and flowers and all things “lovey dovey”, but we’re not talking about them right now. Anyway, I’ve got a few tips for you if you happen to be someone who is newly single and your ex has already moved on as I know this can be very difficult to deal with.

1. Realize it’s okay to feel the way you feel, BUT don’t stay there. You’re only human and it’s okay to feel sad or upset after a breakup. Whatever you need to do in order to deal with those feelings, do that. Cry, scream, break something (Nothing of theirs though, sorry. Going to jail for vandalism definitely wouldn’t be a good look. 😉) Just let it out and move on.

2. Focus on YOU. Be so busy getting busy bettering yourself that they aren’t on your mind anyway. Take a class, check out a new activity, join a new community group, etc.

3. Remember why you broke up with him/her in the first place. Regardless of how many things he/she is doing with/for the person he/she is with now that you that you tried and failed to get them to do with/for you, realize that everything happens for a reason. CHOOSE to let it make you better not bitter. Also, remember this very important thing, just because someone APPEARS happy, it doesn’t mean they actually are. It is very likely that he/she is the same jackass he/she was when he/she was with you, but for appearances sake…

4. Leave the past in the past. What’s coming is better than what’s been. BELIEVE that! Look towards the future and know that you will have the love/life that you desire. Sometimes loneliness has a way of making us think we actually need a person in our lives when the truth is, we just desire companionship and that doesn’t have to come from a romantic relationship or partner. Focus on loving you and creating a better future for you and let love find you… When the time is right.

Boys Will Be Boys… Men Will Be Men

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I don’t know if you’ve heard or even care to hear about the cheating scandals that have been in the news recently. One wife in particular talked about her decision to stay with her husband amid controversies involving him and other women. Now, I can not say what I would do in that situation as I am not and have never been in this particular situation, however, a few things come to my mind after hearing her response.

1. She said that it was her faith that allowed her to forgive her husband and remain by his side. While I am a Christian and I believe that God change people and their hearts, I do, at times wonder if we as women sometimes use religion as a crutch to stay where we are comfortable. It also brought to mind a similar situation that happened a couple of years ago in which a popular Gospel singer had her own public cheating scandal to deal with and she, and many others I’m sure, also stated that faith kept her from leaving her husband after he, too, was unfaithful. My question though is, would this same curtesy be offered to these women or any woman who cheated on her husband? I cannot, but perhaps you can, think of a case where a woman cheated and it was made public, yet her husband stayed. Can you think of an example? I’ll wait.

2. It also seems in a lot of cases that women are made to feel they must stay in relationships or marriages which are unhealthy or toxic even simply because, I mean, how would that look to other people? How would the world receive you as a divorced woman? You’d be damaged goods! Divorce, although a hell of a lot more common than it should be, STILL has a stigma attached to it. Women are shamed for not being able to “keep” a man. Which brings me to my next thought.

3. So many of us just do not understand the importance of learning how to love ourselves, knowing our self worth. It does NOT mean you aren’t worthy of love if you are single whether that be by divorce or simply not being found by the right man yet. Singleness, although it may at times feel like it, is not a curse. There’s a blessing in every single season of your life. Embrace it! Now, let me also say here that I am not advocating for divorce. I’m simply expressing my thoughts and pointing out a few things I have noticed over time. Y’all let me know your thoughts in the comments.

How To Move On WITHOUT Being Bitter

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It’s 2018, everybody! We made it! Well, for those of you who’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’m recently divorced and as such, I try to spread positivity and give encouragement to ladies who are in situations similar to my own. I talked about this before on a Facebook live video, but I think it’s well worth talking about again. So many times we get wrapped up in our feelings. We get wrapped up in placing the blame on the person who hurt us. The truth though, is that when we focus on the negative, we don’t leave room for the positive and although we must take time to properly heal and process our thoughts/feelings, we still have to learn how to not allow them to consume us. Being bitter only hurts you. The first thing you have to do is decide whether you want to move forward or remain stuck in the past. Whether you want things to get better or continue getting worse. See, life is what you make of it. You CAN turn your life around. A bad breakup or divorce is NOT the end. It does NOT have to mean your life will be terrible from here on out. Learn from your mistakes and move on with your head held high. Do positive affirmations. Try new activities. Work on YOU! Learn to love YOU! But also remember to be patient with yourself. You’re only human and these things take time. You’ll have days where you are so down you don’t even want to get out of bed. The thing is to know that it won’t last. If you choose to move on being better not bitter, the best is yet to come! Believe that!

“Hatfishing” and “False Advertising”

IMG_4822I recently read an article about a girl who was being slammed on the internet for “false advertising”. Apparently the pictures she posts online show her all dolled up in makeup. Men are saying things like “That’s why I tell girls for our first date we’re going swimming.” Interestingly enough though, some of those same guys are the MAIN ones guilty of “hatfishing” ladies (“catfishing” using a hat to change their appearance to look better than they would without a hat). Where are your pics WITHOUT a hat, fellas? I’ll wait. There are also complaints from guys about girls wearing weaves and Spanx and padded bras and whatever else, but guys, don’t you think it’s a bit hypocritical to shame women for doing things to enhance their beauty/appearance when many of you are doing THE EXACT SAME THING?!? Come on! You know if you shaved that beard and ladies got to see what you look like for real, for real your phone would be drier than the Sahara Desert. I’m just saying, let’s be real here. We ALL have insecurities. We ALL have flaws. If given the chance, we ALL have something we would change about our physical appearance. Whether it’s being taller, shorter, smaller tummy, longer hair, better hairline, smaller nose, etc. We’re all human. Nobody is perfect and no matter how hard we try, none of us ever will be. So, my advice to you is embrace your uniqueness! Regardless of what that may mean in your case. Embrace it! Be confident in who you are and those who were meant to love you WILL, bad hairline and all. 😊

Coparenting The Right Way

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Although blended families are more of the norm than the exception to the rule, it is still scary territory to have to enter into. We’ve all heard or can tell  horror stories of the baby’s mama or baby’s daddy drama. We’ve all heard or have experienced bad breakups or divorced. But there IS hope. You don’t have to live the rest of your life in constant drama as it pertains to your coparenting situation. Here are a few tips…

1. Create CLEAR boundaries- It’s important to make known what the expectations of your custody agreement are. Create healthy boundaries AND stick to them. If you guys can not come to an agreement on your own, seek legal counsel.

2. Communication is key- Be sure to always be in communication with your child(ren)’s father/mother. If something comes up and you aren’t able to have the kids that day or weekend, if you’re running late, if there’s a school performance or game, etc make sure to keep the other parent informed. This helps keep down confusion between you all which makes life easier for everyone, kids included.

3. Be respectful of one another- R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respect is soooo important. Please don’t resort to calling him/her out of their name or speaking of them negatively. I understand we all get frustrated, angry, upset, but it’s important to remember that this is the father/mother of your child(ren). You don’t have to be with them in order to be respectful

4. Keep conversations short and simple- If you all haven’t gotten to the point where you can consider each other friends, keep conversations to information about the kid(s) only. Only talk when you need to communicate something about your child(ren).

Are there any other tips you can think of in order to create a successful coparenting relationship?

THIS Royal Engagement Gives Me Life!

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I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are engaged and if you haven’t, what rock have you been living under?!? Truthfully, I’m not usually one to be interested much in celebrities or their lives, but this is freaking awesome!! Let me tell you why…

1. Probably the most obvious reason, Meghan Markle is a woman of color! In a time where there is soooo much racial tension, it is refreshing to see something like this happening!

2. Meghan is also a divorcée. If you follow my blog, you know that I am, like Meghan, a divorcée so that’s all the more reason for me to be excited for her! This is her second chance at love! There’s hope for us all!

3. Meghan is about to be a legit part of the ROYAL family! I mean, she’s already a queen by nature, but now she will LITERALLY be royalty! My goodness!

4. Prince Harry makes no bones about telling people who disapprove of his relationship with Meghan where to shove their opinions! F@&$ you AND your opinions! Yessss! I am here for it!

5. It really is like a real life fairy tale. I just love the idea of it all! Wonder if Disney will give this story a go… 🤔