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Sexy Is A State Of Mind

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I know we’d all like to believe that we’ve never lost our sexy, unfortunately though, many of have. We’ve lost the sexy we once had. Am I saying we aren’t sexy? No! Am I saying we can’t BE sexy? Hell no! What I am saying though is that many of us have lost the ability to actually view ourselves as sexy whether it’s due to weight loss, weight gain, stretch marks, aging, scars, etc. I have news for you though, NONE OF THOSE THINGS MATTER!! You are sexy because you are you! Doesn’t matter how big or small, short or tall or whatever else you are. Sexy starts in YOUR mind. It’s all about your mindset and confidence. So, I’m going to tell you a few things I do to help ME feel sexy and I’d like to hear what you do to make YOU feel sexy too.

 

1. I sometimes wear lingerie under my clothes. No one’s going to see it, but just the fact that I knowย I’m wearing it just gives me that extra boost of confidence.

2. I throw on a pair of heels. I don’t know what it is, but sometimes even when I’m feeling down on my luck, putting on that pair of heels just puts me in the best of spirits

3. I take selfies and point out the things I DO like about my body. My legs, my curves, etc I just go over the pic and tell myself just how beautiful I am. “Damn you fine l, girl!” ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

What are some things that you fo to feel sexy? Let me know in the comments!

Why Is It So Damn Hard To Take Your Own Advice???

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I am excellent at giving advice. I am excellent at being encouraging. I love to help people and I’m generally a very upbeat and happy person HOWEVER, I find it difficult at times to simply take my own advice. SMH I’m being transparent here because I know somebody feels me. You can have all the advice in the world for others. Can inspire people near and far, but you lack that skill as it pertains to yourself. I’m going to be perfectly honest with you here, IT’S OKAY! Talking to you as well as myself. The limits we place on ourselves come from multiple sources. The failed attempts. The hurtful words from someone we loved and trusted. The being passed over for promotions or new opportunities. The unexpected betrayals of our trust. We think “well, the last time…” We start to compare ourselves to others and we never “measure up”. Here’s the thing though, if you really, truly believe in the people you encourage daily. If you believe the advice you give others is wise counsel, why then do you believe the same would not be true for you? What makes him/her “better”? Why would that idea work for them, but not you? Does God not love you the same? If you (we) could all just practice seeing ourselves the way we see others and God sees us, you (we) could walk in the authority that is so rightfully yours (ours)! Go study His word today. See what’s God says about YOU! Never come back to this place again!

Paul, Porn, & Prejudice

I can already hear the angry mob of “saints” gathering with pitch forks to condemn me to hell, BUT this is my blog, my opinion. That being said, I know what we’ve all been taught about premarital sex as well as things like masturbation and porn. I’ve heard many sermons in which disdain was expressed for women who decide to have sex before marriage although the same can’t always be said for men, in fact, more often than not, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is said in regards to men and maintaining their purity sexually. It is almost expected that men be excluded from all things surrounding purity. Men are often openly encouraged to masturbate, to test the waters of dating, to “sow their royal oats”. No one is disappointed with or angry about a man who barely made it to middle school with his virginity intact yet women are shamed left and right if they so much as express their sexual desires. Were we not ALL, both men AND women, given the same commandments from God? I personally believe that masturbation is healthy and much safer as it pertains to unwanted pregnancies, STD’s, unnecessary drama than having sex with whoever. We are bombarded with sexual images day in and day out and regardless of a person being a virgin or not, we are human and we were created with sexual desires. That is nothing to be ashamed of, I really truly feel it should be more openly discussed in the church and not just amongst the married couples. Don’t just tell singles to pray and wait on God. Be open and honest. We need to know what the real deal is. How do we deal with these desires? If we aren’t taught what to do as singles, how are we able to be prepared for healthy sex lives within a marriage? I have said before that I really believe it’s important for women especially to explore their own bodies and to learn what they like, what feels good to them, I still believe and stand by that. Why should men be the only ones encouraged to do so? I also think porn can be very helpful in learning to express sexuality. Also good for fantasy as the brain is the biggest sex organ. Porn can give you an idea for things to try whenever you get to that point. You can learn about different positions, toys, new places to have sex. I really think porn gets a bad rep a lot of times for many different reasons, but it can also serve a great purpose such as helping women discover things they never knew about themselves. Our bodies are beautiful. We should learn to appreciate them for all of the wonderful things they can do. Watch porn, fantasize about what you’d like to have done, explore your body. Go for it! Sex doesn’t have to be a team sport. ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

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Fantasyland; The Land of Broken Hearts

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DATING SUCKS!!!! Or at least those are the sentiments of many singles on the dating scene. But let me just say that I am about to get real with you so if you can’t handle the truth, you may want to exit this post here… Ladies, a lot of times WE are the ones who make dating hard FOR OURSELVES!! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ Yes, I said it and I mean it. Think about it. So many of us unrealistically believe that we can “change” him or his mind when a man tells us he is not looking for a relationship, only wants to be friends, is only looking for a good time. *Let me say here that I am in no way, shape or form excusing men from taking responsibility for their part in this because they definitely DO play a part in this as well, however, I am talking to the ladies as I know firsthand about this issue.* I know of, and have been in, situations where the man says UP FRONT that he is NOT looking to be serious and yet we allow him to hang out with us, get in our heads and our hearts, and in many cases, our beds then when the ish hits the fan and he either stops texting/calling, tells us he’s now in a relationship or worse getting married, we’re left feeling hurt and betrayed. The thing is, more often than not, the reason we feel so hurt and upset is that we allowed what we WANTED to cloud our judgment. We allowed the FANTASY of what we wanted to keep us from paying attention to the REALITY of things. Yes, he treated you as if you were in a relationship (or at least YOU thought he did) ย although he said he wasn’t interested in being in one. Yes, he told you he liked you and cared a lot about you and made you feel special. Yes, his actions were contradictory to his words (more on this in a second), and we’ve been taught that actions speak louder than words. So, when we take a step back and REALLY access the situation, I am willing to bet that the actions we perceived to be contradictory, in fact, really weren’t. He told you he didn’t want a relationship and he never gave you a title. He called and texted you, but many times YOU were the one to call or text first. You had sex, but sex does not equate to love. The Bible tells us to guard our hearts above ALL else. Ladies, we’ve got to be more careful with our hearts. That thing is fragile, girl! Protect it! If a man tells you he doesn’t see himself being with you, BELIEVE HIM! And by believing him, that means do NOT allow your thoughts of a fairytale ending to have you saying “Well, maybe if I just…” No! If he doesn’t want a relationship, marriage, kids, etc, CUT ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ IT ๐Ÿ‘๐ŸพOFF๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ! No need in wasting time and getting your heart broken. YOU gotta look out for YOU! Take care of yourselves out there, ladies!

Please Stop Telling Me To Focus On My Goals

IMG_6597Have you ever had a deep desire for something? Maybe a degree or a job? How about a business or organization? Well, if you’re like me and most everyone else in the world, those desires may not have been fulfilled as quickly as you would have liked and as a result, I’m sure you just loved hearing “be patient, it will happen” said over and over to you. Well, just as you LOVED (this is sarcasm here, guys) hearing “be patient, it will happen” over and over, singles just LOVE hearing “just focus on your goals/yourself. You’ll meet him/her when the time is right.” I mean, we just love it. Can’t you just see the excitement in our eyes EACH AND EVERY time you (especially those of you who are in long term relationships ๐Ÿ˜Š) tell us to “focus on our goals”? I mean, goodness, we never would have known that we needed to focus on our goals/ourselves in our singleness without your constant reminders. *Record scratch* Okay. Let’s just be real here, all jokes and sarcasm aside, WE ARE SICK OF HEARING IT! We know, we know, it’s the truth and we totally get that. However, would YOU want someone screaming “I told you so” after each and every mistake you made? My point is this, most of us are already working on our goals, trying to get ourselves together because we’re well aware that now is the opportune time to do that, so when we vent about being lonely or desiring a mate, it’s not that we are just home twiddling our thumbs. We are doing plenty to aid in our journey to success both personal and business, but we’re human. We have our moments. Just try to understand that and let us vent. We’ll go back to our goal oriented, self focused selves tomorrow. ๐Ÿ˜Š

Grown Woman Ish

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You know, I think we all have our own definition of what “grown” means. Maybe you think it means having your own house and car. Maybe to you it’s paying your own bills. Maybe it’s behaving in a certain way. I believe it is all of these things, but I also believe it is FULLY accepting yourself and all that comes along with you. Your flaws, your mistakes, your imperfections, every. Single. Thing. Now this is definitely no easy feat, but it is so, so important. Transparent moment here; I’ve struggled with loving my body for years and I still have my days. It has become increasingly hard to love my body after having two kids and constantly seeing reminders all around me that I don’t have a “perfect” body. I have a few extra rolls and curves and stretch marks. But so the hell what? What does that mean? Does that mean I’m less valuable? Less sexy? Less… desirable? I certainly don’t think so. So, I have decided that I am going to say to hell with “them” and what “they” have to say. Truth is, none of us is perfect and NONE of us has a perfect body. Each and every human being on this planet has SOMETHING they are insecure about. Don’t believe the hype. Even those viewed as extremely beautiful or desirable have insecurities. We all have flaws and “imperfections”, but I say embrace them because they are what make you you. CONFIDENCE is the sexiest thing you could EVER wear. You should give it a try. Look at that thing you’re most insecure about and tell it you love it. Practice this daily. Fake it until you make it because if you don’t love you, ALL of you. I mean, TRULY love you, how the hell do you expect anyone else to? Get on your grown woman/man and start showing love to yourself!

What Does “Me Time” Look Like For You?

IMG_5668It’s so important that we take care of ourselves! I hear so often this expressed to women and while it’s super important for us, it is just as important for men to understand that they too need “me time”/self care or love. It is not “lame” or “soft” or “feminine” to show love to yourself, in fact, there are many benefits associated with it. “Me time” reboots the brain, helps you unwind, improves your concentration, makes you more productive, gives space for self discovery, and enhances your relationships. I realize that the focus of self care/love is on women more often than not because as the nurturers, we tend to ย take on all of the many roles set in front of us while neglecting ourselves in many aspects. My point here that men really need to know that they CAN practice self love without it negatively impacting their masculinity. There are sooo many broken men walking around here unaware that they really just need to love themselves. So, I’ve comprised a list of things men, and women, can do in order to have some “me time”.

1. Go to the gym and/or work out at home. Join a gym and get that work out in! It can help you relieve stress and of course get you in better shape. If you can’t get into the gym, check out YouTube for some good home workouts you can do.

2. Go unplugged. No phone. No computer. No distractions and just… Relax or meditate. You’d be surprised how much just taking a break from the outside world can benefit you.

3. Listen to inspirational/uplifting music. What you listen to is important. Words are powerful. Listening to songs with positive messages will lift your spirits, help put you in a good mood.

4. Do outdoor activities. Go for a walk or jog. Walk your dog. Play an outdoor sport. Just being able to take in nature and all its beauty can definitely help release endorphins, the feel good hormones.

5. Dress up, go get your hair cut/done. When you look good you feel good. You don’t have to have a reason to dress up. Dress up just because you want to.

 

There are are so many things you can do to reconnect with yourself and make yourself feel better. The important thing to remember is it’s not selfish to take time for yourself nor is it “soft”. No guilt. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for trying to take time for you. It’s essential to being the happiest, healthiest you.